COVID-19 CDC Trends

So it's the 20th of April (happy weed day, btw), and Trump supporters are protesting against Trump, who ordered folks to stay home until 4/30, by telling people to vote for Trump because of the Coronavirus. I've watched a handful of these folks protesting nurses and doctors and other medical experts, and I have literally no idea what their message is. Regardless, these new human petri dishes should check in to their local medical centers in about 2 weeks, so let's not break down these task forces TOO fast, okay? Our survival rate has dropped yet again, but continues to hold above the global average at about 95.33%. This brings your favorite family picnic or protest march to about 22 infected people before 1 of them will be leaving in a casket. Protesters in Michigan will be proud to know that their voices have been heard, and they've joined New York in below average survival rates. Nice work! Since so many folks are shaking hands, hugging, and comparing small penis ...

Sorry I missed Wednesday...but I'm back! This one is political. 17 days ago, I received a personal mailer, aka fire kindling, from Donald Trump himself. It said, "30 Days to Slow the Spread". Now I'm not sure if my math sucks, but today, I saw that he said his own followers should rebel against this, and protest to the democrats about how it's either been 30 days, or that he was walking back on his personal mailer. Michigan was one of the first states to do this, protesting social distancing by staying at least 6 feet away from each other...in their cars. Ironically, I did not see an interview by a single medical expert at that protest. They must have been busy or something. Also, please keep Virginia in your hearts as Donald Trump has told VA residents to liberate themselves from Coronavirus to protect their second amendment. I'm actually not kidding. We are currently ranked 14th in the world for deaths per million. Not bad, but I feel like we're gettin...

I hope you all had a great Easter. You had some pretty solid chances of owning that Easter egg hunt you had at your house this year. I see candy Thankfully, this Jew enjoyed the lion's share of jelly beans, robin eggs, and of course, peanut butter cups. If any curves are flattening, they definitely aren't mine. To help understand how well we're doing in the testing world, we'll use the tests per 1,000,000 people data on Worldometers. That is a true equalizer. Basically, it demonstrates how capable your country is of handling their population during this crisis by measuring your odds of getting tested in such a way that can level the playing field for smaller and larger countries.  If you have a better resource, let's hear it. If not, chew on this. The greatest country in the world with the greatest army in the world and 3rd most people in the world ranks 42ND IN THE WORLD FOR TESTING. Russia? Better than us. Spain? Better than us. Germany? Better than us. Italy? B...

I think Charmin’ is pulling a fast one. While I’ve watched both friends and family walk in to Costco hoping for even a sheet of 2-ply and coming out defeated, not even once have I seen anyone admit to hoarding butt wipes. In fact, I feel like everyone on here is on team #stophoardingshit. Does anybody know anyone who specifically walked into Costco in March and walked out with a pallet of “Bath Tissue”? In any event, after 2 visits, I’ve learned to either use leaves, or get to Costco before 11am. On the COVID front, we continue to watch overall growth rate fall. As some states work to lock down the problem, we’re now looking at a growth of 15.32% per day. I feel like this is going to work like a fire, with things moving out from the New York epicenter. Rhode Island, all 8 square miles of it, comes out the big winner in the last day with almost 17% growth.  I keep seeing people say to stop being a pessimist and focus on survival rate. So fine. Our survival rate has continue...

It's been 480 hours since I was sent to work from home, and I'm fairly certain I don't know what month of the week it is anymore. Fortunately, my son is more than happy to remind me that it's 6 am every day and therefore, time to get up. So, happy Friwedmonsaturday. It's also Passover tonight, and the first time this holiday lasts 3 1/2 weeks. Gonna need a serious stash of Matzah to get through this lockdown. Growth over the last several days has been doing well (I mean, we take what we can get, right?) at about 4% or so. I measure from the big picture and the start of recorded US infection on January 14th. Keep working to bring that growth rate down, which is now an overall 15.43% per day! Sadly, Maryland is so March right now, with more than 26% growth in a single day. Death tolls continue to climb, with a mortality rate of 3.23%. Total US infection/recovery would, as of today, result in losses of about 10 million. To save face, several skeptics are re-tweetin...

So it's now good to go ahead and wear a mask in public places. Not that I was already trying not to sneeze on the produce, but this really has its benefits. This face for radio now has a fighting chance. My wife says I've never looked so good with one of these things on, and she almost can't tell the difference between me and her celebrity crush. Suck on that, Tom Hardy! FYI, if testing was going so well, my numbers wouldn't look like such barf. Complete US population testing has moved back from June 25th to July 7th. The folks who are getting tested positive for COVID-19 are starting to throw in the towel a little early. Our national death rate has climbed by 19% to 2.69%. Our dates of 100k to 240k deaths remain between April 23rd and April 29th. I can see all those hydrochloroquine posts from Sean Hannity are really paying off. If the mathematical numbers hold, this virus will catch between 3.8 and 9.2 million of the American people. That means that, as you read...

It's been April 3rd for 17 days now. The world is banging its head into a wall as the right has embraced everything it hates about the far left. Who knew that the bi-partisan answer to save the world from economic doom would be socialism? Or is this the real face of the right? Did the voters just get PUNK'D? Did I leave the iron on? Make sure to visit that SBA website for "Coronavirus Relief Options", which come in the form of cash...because who needs ventilators? Also, on March 16th, the White House released "15 Days to Slow the Spread"...on April 1st, the sequel came out, "30 Days to Slow the Spread". Aren't we stuck until 4/30? Isn't that 847 days? I'm guessing those first 15 didn't count or something? Let's find out... My timeline was incorrect on Wednesday. Sorry. I apparently don't know the difference between 3.27 billion and 327 million. While growth has shrunk another 0.3% to 15.73% per day, we're STILL looki...

So there ya have it! New Jersey schools have to start the year over in September, Nevada's non-essential shutdown ends tomorrow, Joe Exotic was released from prison after the airing of "Tiger King", and the White House docs have declared an over-under between 100,000 and 200,000 deaths! Well, at least one of those is true. Given the recent developments on predicted deaths in the US, I'd like to congratulate everyone who posted some weird comparison of COVID-19 to the flu...or H1N1...or any other virus that did a fraction of the damage COVID is going to do. Your April Fool's joke may have come like 3 weeks early, but I appreciate the effort. Missed it by that much. After days of Tiger's Blood Winning, growth has FINALLY slowed from 15.82% to 15.79%. The skeptics are looking for anything, so I'll give that to them. Growth has slowed by 0.18%. That's YUGE. April Fools. That pushes total infection or recovery back to June 7th, so thanks for letting me ha...